He was there right in front of me... his unfaltering gaze rested on me like the pleasant rays of the moon. Those eyes...so deep....so mischievous...so full of unspoken words...we stood there looking at each other lost in each other. We stood there oblivious of the surroundings expect for each other's presence. Deep inside my heart I wished this moment would last for ever. At that moment I heard the ringing of some distant bells...church bells...a good omen!! My wish has been granted!!!!! I wanted to share this happiness with him. Just then the ground under my feet began to shake. I was scared but he was smiling mischievously looking at me. The tremor became vigorous only increasing my fear. I shut my eyes tightly praying it to stop. My prayer was answered again...the quake stopped. I opened my eyes excitedly thinking about the everlasting moment....thinking about him....but what I saw next was the last thing I ever wanted at that moment. There definitely was a face looming over mine. Far from being pleasant it had a weird expression written all over it. That was the cute (not at that moment) face of my dearest, sweetest and most adorable roommate. I stared at her blankly trying to take in the imperfect reality in front of my eyes so far away from my perfectly perfect dream wishing it would have lasted a little longer.
"Are you alright Harry???"
I was still trying to figure out how I got transported from that world to this without my knowledge. In the mean time my roommate got restless about my blank stares and did what she thought was the best way to wake me up. She grabbed both my shoulders and shook me so hard...
"Harry! What’s wrong with you??? Are you alright??? How come you didnt hear the alarm ring??? Even now you look like sleeping with your eyes open...Wake Up!!!!!!"
Well!! That explains all the good omens and earth quakes and also the reason behind the mischievous smile of Mr. Perfect. Finally I gave in to her efforts to wake me up and got out of bed assuring her I was perfectly fine. Though she reluctantly accepted that in the beginning, she was very much satisfied later on when she saw me fussing about monday mornings and running around the house panicking that I was getting late thus marking the beginning of yet another perfectly normal day. It took more than the efforts put by my roommate to actually get him out of my mind. It was a bit more than a li'l difficult to accept it was just a dream. My mind kept replaying it every now and then when I was not completely occupied making it tough to push it away as just another dream. Strange isnt it????
Hey Mr.Perfect! I donno if u really exist...but if u do...do find me soon before its too late;-)
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Things change People change
The world around us changes
but i thought you n I will never change and
our relation would remain the same for ever........Wish i could ever say that again
i was surprised when i heard that "the only thing that is constant in this world is change"
i found it ironical....how can something that changes be permanent???
But what was an irony became reality and what was meant to be forever faded away
leaving behind only memories of the past like the beautiful rose, whithered and reduced to mere bookmarks ready to crumble at the slightest touch
Time passed by seasons rolled on
spring lead into what seemed like an endless winter
The roses dried the plant died
just like the feelings and emotions we had for each other
The coldness seeped in
making me older in my mind even before my youth passed away
The last rays of hope weakened suffocated by the darkness that engulfed me
I would never be young again.....i would never love again.....i would never be worthy of anyone's love again said my prematurely aged mind resigning to its fate
The irony became ironical
the change became stagnant and the coldness permanent
this thought quizzed me
I wanted to know the answer....
I was proved wrong once
I wanted to be proved wrong again.....it thrilled me
the quest that lay infront of me gave me a reason to think
my resigned mind revolted, refused to think beyond the walls it built for itself
the darkness threatened me, ......if I fail it would only take me deeper
the coldness supported it
but something inside me kept pushing.....something told me this is your chance, dont let it go
something kept on growing inside me
may be this is hope......A new energy filled me
I walked out of my self built prison or rather the wall of protection.....atleast i felt so till a few moments before
I stepped into the frozen garden
i took a few step further to reach its edges and mustered all the courage to look beyond them
I was surprised rather shocked to see that the land outside was not frozen. Infact there was spring again.....filled with laughter, happiness and life.
i looked at People who were not cold and people who were not old n looked at myself.......
the darkness faded and warmth filled in
I felt lighter....i felt younger again
It was not the winter that never ended...it was I who never let it go
it was not the darkness that engulfed me.....it was I who blocked away the light from reaching me
Life is not a bed of roses and everyone has their own share of lows n highs
if we concentrate on the darker side, we can never realise the brighter part of it
The world around us changes
but i thought you n I will never change and
our relation would remain the same for ever........Wish i could ever say that again
i was surprised when i heard that "the only thing that is constant in this world is change"
i found it ironical....how can something that changes be permanent???
But what was an irony became reality and what was meant to be forever faded away
leaving behind only memories of the past like the beautiful rose, whithered and reduced to mere bookmarks ready to crumble at the slightest touch
Time passed by seasons rolled on
spring lead into what seemed like an endless winter
The roses dried the plant died
just like the feelings and emotions we had for each other
The coldness seeped in
making me older in my mind even before my youth passed away
The last rays of hope weakened suffocated by the darkness that engulfed me
I would never be young again.....i would never love again.....i would never be worthy of anyone's love again said my prematurely aged mind resigning to its fate
The irony became ironical
the change became stagnant and the coldness permanent
this thought quizzed me
I wanted to know the answer....
I was proved wrong once
I wanted to be proved wrong again.....it thrilled me
the quest that lay infront of me gave me a reason to think
my resigned mind revolted, refused to think beyond the walls it built for itself
the darkness threatened me, ......if I fail it would only take me deeper
the coldness supported it
but something inside me kept pushing.....something told me this is your chance, dont let it go
something kept on growing inside me
may be this is hope......A new energy filled me
I walked out of my self built prison or rather the wall of protection.....atleast i felt so till a few moments before
I stepped into the frozen garden
i took a few step further to reach its edges and mustered all the courage to look beyond them
I was surprised rather shocked to see that the land outside was not frozen. Infact there was spring again.....filled with laughter, happiness and life.
i looked at People who were not cold and people who were not old n looked at myself.......
the darkness faded and warmth filled in
I felt lighter....i felt younger again
It was not the winter that never ended...it was I who never let it go
it was not the darkness that engulfed me.....it was I who blocked away the light from reaching me
Life is not a bed of roses and everyone has their own share of lows n highs
if we concentrate on the darker side, we can never realise the brighter part of it
Monday, October 8, 2007
The moon and the stars never looked so bright...atleast not in the recent past. They look as though they are celebrating my arrival there making me feel more at home rather at home finally away from those concrete jungles where the city never sleeps n my lovely frenz look so far away. All I get is just a glimpse of them every now and then. Being part of this rat race has stolen my precious time away from my frenz and made me a slave to more mundane things.When was the last time I gazed at them to my heart's content?When was the last time I opened my heart to them and let my thoughts flow or listened to their stories?When was the last time I fell asleep under their watchful eyes protecting me from any harm that would interrupt my peaceful dreamless slumber??
The more I thought about it the more I missed their company and longed for their watchful presence and the more I understand our relation better. The relation we shared was beyond words...something which I felt deep down in my soul where even those long silences made perfect sense. Those moments spent in silence would make my heart lighter with every passing second and my soul would drift towards them...to be a part of them.
Lying on my back and staring at them again made me realise what I missed the most on those long nights when I felt restless in those closed rooms. They kept their promise of watching over me even when I failed to feel their presence, when I forgot that I was not friendless...even when I forgot that all I have to do was to step out of those 4 walls around me and look up n they would me there smiling at me n shining brightly for me telling me "You are never alone".
The more I thought about it the more I missed their company and longed for their watchful presence and the more I understand our relation better. The relation we shared was beyond words...something which I felt deep down in my soul where even those long silences made perfect sense. Those moments spent in silence would make my heart lighter with every passing second and my soul would drift towards them...to be a part of them.
Lying on my back and staring at them again made me realise what I missed the most on those long nights when I felt restless in those closed rooms. They kept their promise of watching over me even when I failed to feel their presence, when I forgot that I was not friendless...even when I forgot that all I have to do was to step out of those 4 walls around me and look up n they would me there smiling at me n shining brightly for me telling me "You are never alone".
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
I love sleeping....wish I could sleep for days together like Kumbkaran though I cant eat for days like him. If you ask my colleagues who accompany me for lunch or my roommates who patiently sit next to me waiting for me to finish my dinner they would say otherwise. They'll say I can eat for days too. People who actually donno me might think I eat a lot but the fact is I eat very slow. What my friends take 10 or 15 mins to finish eating, I take at least half an hr and in the worst scenario an hr(I know they would argue to put in a bigger figure) to finish. Days are rare when i actually finish it along with them, even rarer are the days when I finish b4 them....they call it a miracle. God bless their souls!!!
coming back to sleep... I would be the last one to wake up on most of the days in my house. How much ever I sleep I never seem to get enough of it. Even if I wake up in the afternoon I still look I could do with few more hrs of sleep. One reason could be Im a light sleeper...waking up at every li'l sound right from the creaking sound made my bathroom door, first sound (believe me when I say first) of my roommate's alarm, slammed doors of other bedrooms where dwell the morning raisers (I almost jump out of my bed every time a door is slammed) to the sound of footsteps on the staircase next to my bedroom window...no wonder I look so sleep lorn all the time.
I usually dont sleep in the afternoons during weekends or holidays though Im always sleepy. Its bcoz my afternoon naps are cursed! All my dearest friends who have long forgotten me not only remember me precisely at that fateful hour but also remember to call me and miraculously there is enough balance on their mobile phones to make the call
me: halooo
friend: Hey!!!!! How r u??? Long time isnt it??????? blah...blah...blah non stop for 5mins n ask then question I have been waiting for
so....what were u doing??
Me: was sleeping
Friend: Oh!! are you ok???
Me: Im fine...just taking a nap...thats all
Friend: oh ok
pause for few secs...expecting me to say something.....finally....
Friend: sleep well then...will talk to u later bye!
I mumble something n hang up b4 that person could think of saying anything more
With some struggle I manage to doze off again but my mobile rings yet again.... this is an endless cycle till I finally give up and get out of my bed.
At times even in the nights I find it difficult to sleep though every inch of my body is tired to the core and is begging for rest. Im not an insomniac though (how can I be one...huh!!!) It is when my brain refuses to retire for the day as it slept all day long in the office. Those are the times when more than a few of my gray cells are fired and words start flowing and my blog has a new entry. When the Sun would be getting ready to rise and shine melting away the night, darkness falls on me n I sleep only to be woken up by some creaking or slammed doors....signs of life stirring marking the beginning of yet another sleepy day.
"Eat like a hog and sleep like a log"I donno abt the first part but I wish the second half of this statement was true in my case. Blessed are those who sleep like logs and Im really jealous of you all!!
coming back to sleep... I would be the last one to wake up on most of the days in my house. How much ever I sleep I never seem to get enough of it. Even if I wake up in the afternoon I still look I could do with few more hrs of sleep. One reason could be Im a light sleeper...waking up at every li'l sound right from the creaking sound made my bathroom door, first sound (believe me when I say first) of my roommate's alarm, slammed doors of other bedrooms where dwell the morning raisers (I almost jump out of my bed every time a door is slammed) to the sound of footsteps on the staircase next to my bedroom window...no wonder I look so sleep lorn all the time.
I usually dont sleep in the afternoons during weekends or holidays though Im always sleepy. Its bcoz my afternoon naps are cursed! All my dearest friends who have long forgotten me not only remember me precisely at that fateful hour but also remember to call me and miraculously there is enough balance on their mobile phones to make the call
me: halooo
friend: Hey!!!!! How r u??? Long time isnt it??????? blah...blah...blah non stop for 5mins n ask then question I have been waiting for
so....what were u doing??
Me: was sleeping
Friend: Oh!! are you ok???
Me: Im fine...just taking a nap...thats all
Friend: oh ok
pause for few secs...expecting me to say something.....finally....
Friend: sleep well then...will talk to u later bye!
I mumble something n hang up b4 that person could think of saying anything more
With some struggle I manage to doze off again but my mobile rings yet again.... this is an endless cycle till I finally give up and get out of my bed.
At times even in the nights I find it difficult to sleep though every inch of my body is tired to the core and is begging for rest. Im not an insomniac though (how can I be one...huh!!!) It is when my brain refuses to retire for the day as it slept all day long in the office. Those are the times when more than a few of my gray cells are fired and words start flowing and my blog has a new entry. When the Sun would be getting ready to rise and shine melting away the night, darkness falls on me n I sleep only to be woken up by some creaking or slammed doors....signs of life stirring marking the beginning of yet another sleepy day.
"Eat like a hog and sleep like a log"I donno abt the first part but I wish the second half of this statement was true in my case. Blessed are those who sleep like logs and Im really jealous of you all!!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
A lonely night n im alone.
I look up at the sky n see the moon so bright.
The brightness has a different sheen....thanks to the pretty stars to keep his company.
The wind so warm and blissful has a different fragrance... the scent of all the lovely flowers he met on his way here.
I think again about her bright smile, the twinkle in her eyes, her touch, her scent and something stirs in me... an emotion i have been trying to suppress has broken loose again...she is no longer in my life.
I could feel her presence everywhere around me only drawing her closer to me in my mind as she took a step away with every passing second. Every memory of hers seem to take me only deeper into the quagmire of pain making it impossible to look beyond the darkness.
The company I needed doesnt want me anymore and the company I never expected doesnt leave me anymore.
Loneliness never proved to be a good friend of mine though it never left me alone even in a crowd since she left me. It never spared me the blues of "Missing her" ever.
The night so young, so dark, so secretive holding many dark secrets in its bosom wrapped around me like a blanket belonging to me yet invisible.
Its only loneliness to get me through this night and the night alone to keep my company through this loneliness
I look up at the sky n see the moon so bright.
The brightness has a different sheen....thanks to the pretty stars to keep his company.
The wind so warm and blissful has a different fragrance... the scent of all the lovely flowers he met on his way here.
I think again about her bright smile, the twinkle in her eyes, her touch, her scent and something stirs in me... an emotion i have been trying to suppress has broken loose again...she is no longer in my life.
I could feel her presence everywhere around me only drawing her closer to me in my mind as she took a step away with every passing second. Every memory of hers seem to take me only deeper into the quagmire of pain making it impossible to look beyond the darkness.
The company I needed doesnt want me anymore and the company I never expected doesnt leave me anymore.
Loneliness never proved to be a good friend of mine though it never left me alone even in a crowd since she left me. It never spared me the blues of "Missing her" ever.
The night so young, so dark, so secretive holding many dark secrets in its bosom wrapped around me like a blanket belonging to me yet invisible.
Its only loneliness to get me through this night and the night alone to keep my company through this loneliness
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Introspection
People have goals
People have missions
why am I the one wandering about knowing not where my fate is leading me to....
Im like a dry leaf without any destination
flying along with the wind or rather carried away by the fate....know not where to
People take pride in what they achieve
people take pride in who they are
People strive hard to carve out a position in this society full of achievers and believers
Can I ever be one of those....those who know what they want
those who know how to get what they want
Am I an achiever or a failure??Im not an achiever bcoz what I have is not what I dreamed of
Im not a failure bcoz I have what I wanted....or what everyone else wanted for me
Is this reality or a delusion that im living in?Can I ever find satisfaction in this delusional reality Im living in??
People have missions
why am I the one wandering about knowing not where my fate is leading me to....
Im like a dry leaf without any destination
flying along with the wind or rather carried away by the fate....know not where to
People take pride in what they achieve
people take pride in who they are
People strive hard to carve out a position in this society full of achievers and believers
Can I ever be one of those....those who know what they want
those who know how to get what they want
Am I an achiever or a failure??Im not an achiever bcoz what I have is not what I dreamed of
Im not a failure bcoz I have what I wanted....or what everyone else wanted for me
Is this reality or a delusion that im living in?Can I ever find satisfaction in this delusional reality Im living in??
Monday, July 16, 2007
I know not anymore
Wings to fly
Horizons to Explore
Peace to find
Where to look
I know not anymore
Words to speak
Feelings to express
Hearts to pour out
How to say
I know not anymore
I know not anymore
Where to start
How to end
What to want
What I want
I know not anymore
Horizons to Explore
Peace to find
Where to look
I know not anymore
Words to speak
Feelings to express
Hearts to pour out
How to say
I know not anymore
I know not anymore
Where to start
How to end
What to want
What I want
I know not anymore
the egg hatched
the eaglet cried
his mother always there right next to him to hold him,protect him n feed him
the vision so limited
he, his mother and the comforts of his nest...the world seemed so small
time passed by
the wings grew
the horizon called
time has come to take the flight
away from the familiarity ....towards the unknown
to explore the unknown lands
to see the world through his own eyes
to reach great heights
to be on the top
the first flight towards the unknown........to make it his own
the eaglet cried
his mother always there right next to him to hold him,protect him n feed him
the vision so limited
he, his mother and the comforts of his nest...the world seemed so small
time passed by
the wings grew
the horizon called
time has come to take the flight
away from the familiarity ....towards the unknown
to explore the unknown lands
to see the world through his own eyes
to reach great heights
to be on the top
the first flight towards the unknown........to make it his own
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Sea
I could feel the salt on my lips...
the taste of the sea....
the taste of his kiss, rushing towards me like a lover
filled with passion asking me to come away with him
washing away the sand under my feet and pulling me towards him.
A pause from my side,
a moment of indecision is enough to break his heart and to consider me unfaithful.
Even today when i go to see him he rushes towards me
not out of passion but just to see how im without him...
to see if i still feel for him.... to see if i still miss him...to see if i still love him...
to see if i shed a tear in his name n go away taking the tear with him n making it a part of him
the taste of the sea....
the taste of his kiss, rushing towards me like a lover
filled with passion asking me to come away with him
washing away the sand under my feet and pulling me towards him.
A pause from my side,
a moment of indecision is enough to break his heart and to consider me unfaithful.
Even today when i go to see him he rushes towards me
not out of passion but just to see how im without him...
to see if i still feel for him.... to see if i still miss him...to see if i still love him...
to see if i shed a tear in his name n go away taking the tear with him n making it a part of him
Friday, July 13, 2007
Eye for an Eye
Eye for an eye says the law here
your tears dont wash away your crime here
crime is rather a big word to use as all you did was a minor act...
a minor act not intentional,which was purely accidental
even before you gave a second thought to your actions
even before you realised the folly you made
the crime is committed
the big bad world is all set to pass the judgement on the "crime" you committed
whether intentional or foolish
you have a price to pay a price so high a price so dear it might cost you your life but your crime will not be forgiven unless you are made to suffer
unless your blood is spilled out in the form of your tears
an act so silly an act so foolish an act so innocent
has been written down for ever as a crime so huge a blunder never to be committed...never ever in scarlet blood oozing from the wounds cut through your skin by the lashes of the whip sported by the protector of law in this big bad world
you may beg and plead for mercy but the law so keen on punishing you so keen on making you straight puts it on a deaf ear.....defended by the cheers of its supporters snarling at you for being so innocent, for not being one of them filling your heart with the venom that poisoned their souls
One day these wounds might heal leaving just the scars to sink into your skin and heart....
the world might forget its devilry only filling you with contempt....
somewhere around the corner another foolish act is committed, another innocent fool is at the mercy of the world....
will you stand up for him or cheer heartlessly at the misery your fellow fool is put through??
will your suffering make you wise or the venom sunk deep into your soul makes you think otherwise
will you choose to stand against the big bad world or are you the big bad world??
your tears dont wash away your crime here
crime is rather a big word to use as all you did was a minor act...
a minor act not intentional,which was purely accidental
even before you gave a second thought to your actions
even before you realised the folly you made
the crime is committed
the big bad world is all set to pass the judgement on the "crime" you committed
whether intentional or foolish
you have a price to pay a price so high a price so dear it might cost you your life but your crime will not be forgiven unless you are made to suffer
unless your blood is spilled out in the form of your tears
an act so silly an act so foolish an act so innocent
has been written down for ever as a crime so huge a blunder never to be committed...never ever in scarlet blood oozing from the wounds cut through your skin by the lashes of the whip sported by the protector of law in this big bad world
you may beg and plead for mercy but the law so keen on punishing you so keen on making you straight puts it on a deaf ear.....defended by the cheers of its supporters snarling at you for being so innocent, for not being one of them filling your heart with the venom that poisoned their souls
One day these wounds might heal leaving just the scars to sink into your skin and heart....
the world might forget its devilry only filling you with contempt....
somewhere around the corner another foolish act is committed, another innocent fool is at the mercy of the world....
will you stand up for him or cheer heartlessly at the misery your fellow fool is put through??
will your suffering make you wise or the venom sunk deep into your soul makes you think otherwise
will you choose to stand against the big bad world or are you the big bad world??
Fairy Tales
"Once upon a time....." thus begins a fairytale and ends with the most expected and most loved statement "...and they lived happily ever after!:-)"
Sounds happy...sounds satisfactory.
I was just wondering how would my story sound???
"Once upon a time there lived a li'l gal with her parents in a small cottage on the edge of the woods....blah! bhah!! blah!!!"
This definitely wont be how my story would be..
1. Bcoz it was never so simple and sweet as a fairy tale
2. There was never a "happily ever after" end.....not till date
Fairy tales fascinated me a lot in my childhood. Infact they did have an influence on my young mind. All those beautiful castles, Prince Charmings and fire breathing dragons would come alive in my imagination every now and then and felt more realistic than this "nothing's happening" world around me
From the time where the fairy tales were as real as reality to "wish-they-come-true" and to finally today's "I have grown out of them" my thinking has evolved along with time. I no longer believe in the beautiful Princesses trapped in castles and the handsome Princes and their noble steads but I never gave up on the morals which formed their base...which they always showcased.
The choice of being good or evil is always present at every step we take. It is our choices that make us either evil and take us down with every passing day or good and help us evovle to be better and spread the goodness in us across this world. It is always the triumph of good over evil and it is good that always prevails are the lessons i took to heart and never stopped believing in.
Though the definition of being good keeps changing every now n then Im true to myself n never faltered from these morals and will never stop believing or hoping for my perfect "happily ever after":-)
Sounds happy...sounds satisfactory.
I was just wondering how would my story sound???
"Once upon a time there lived a li'l gal with her parents in a small cottage on the edge of the woods....blah! bhah!! blah!!!"
This definitely wont be how my story would be..
1. Bcoz it was never so simple and sweet as a fairy tale
2. There was never a "happily ever after" end.....not till date
Fairy tales fascinated me a lot in my childhood. Infact they did have an influence on my young mind. All those beautiful castles, Prince Charmings and fire breathing dragons would come alive in my imagination every now and then and felt more realistic than this "nothing's happening" world around me
From the time where the fairy tales were as real as reality to "wish-they-come-true" and to finally today's "I have grown out of them" my thinking has evolved along with time. I no longer believe in the beautiful Princesses trapped in castles and the handsome Princes and their noble steads but I never gave up on the morals which formed their base...which they always showcased.
The choice of being good or evil is always present at every step we take. It is our choices that make us either evil and take us down with every passing day or good and help us evovle to be better and spread the goodness in us across this world. It is always the triumph of good over evil and it is good that always prevails are the lessons i took to heart and never stopped believing in.
Though the definition of being good keeps changing every now n then Im true to myself n never faltered from these morals and will never stop believing or hoping for my perfect "happily ever after":-)
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