a throbbing pain pricking at some sensitive corner of my mind,

a sickening feeling never leaves me alone...never in peace,

a slow poison not strong enough to kill but to leave me struggling for my life,

a dull ache pushing me more n more towards insanity...questioning my sanity,

a truth im scared to accept

a past im unable to escape

why doesnt the pain leave me or die away than letting me bleed to death...a slow painful death sapping out all the happiness n leaving me to die in misery drowned in my own sorrow????

If to end is the only end to it..then why not quickly...a sharp pain n its all gone forever, a single blow to silence the moan once n for all??

why making me relive those moments that robbed my happiness condemning me to die every living second and to live the death again n again??

Sometimes Im a child rushing out to meet my loved one and embrace it with all my heart and get carried away in that gleefulness which knows no bounds.
Sometimes Im content to meet an old friend over a cup of coffee and open our hearts to each other catching up on old times and updating each ohter over all the happenings since we last met
Sometimes Im a failure brooding over the past wondering what went wrong and how i could have made things better
Sometimes....sometimes Im the rain... Im in the clouds, Im in the raindrops, in the wet earth, in the muddy rushing flow washing everything on its way.
Im hope... Im fear
Im life... Im destruction
Im everything... Im nothing
Im.... Im...

మేఘాలు కరిగి నీటి బింధువుల్లా మారి తమ నెలవయిన ఆకాశాన్ని వీడి తమకై ఎన్నో యుగాల వంటి రోజుల నుండి వేచిచూసే ఆ నేలను తాకగా... ఆ నీటి బింధువు తో పులకించిన నేల తల్లి ఆనందం తో వెదజల్లే సువాసన ఆ 'మట్టి వాసన".
ఆ నింగీ నెలా సంగమమే ఈ వాన. ఏనాడైనా ఆ సంగమాన్ని చూసారా?? ఏ రోజైనా ఆ సువాసన ని ఆస్వాధించారా?? ఆ వర్షాన్ని ఆ మట్టి వాసనని ఆనందించని వాళ్ళు ఉందరు కదూ!
ఆ చల్లని గాలి, ఆ గాలిలో ఆనందంగా తాండవం చెసే ఆ పచ్హని చేలు, ఎంతో దూరాన్నుంచి ఆ గాలి మోసుకొచ్హిన మట్టి వాసన నా మనసులో ఎదో తెలియని సంతొషాన్ని నింపాయి. ఎన్నో చిన్ననాటి జ్ఞాపకాలను వెలికి తెచ్హాయి.
వేసవికాలం సెలవులు, తాతగారి ఊరిలొ కలిసే బంధువులు, పచ్హని చేలు, ఆ తాటి కాయలు, ఈత పండ్లు, అమ్మమ్మ చేతి గోరు ముద్దలు...నాకంటే నాకు అని పోటి పడి మరీ తినటం, ఎడ్ల బండ్లు, ఊయ్యాలలు, గొర్రెల మందలు, తొక్కుడు బిల్ల, కొతి కొమ్మచ్హి, వీరి వీరి గుమ్మడి పండు, సాయంకాలం అరుగుపై ముచ్హట్లు, రాత్రి వేళ డాబా పై నిద్ర పోయేదాకా ఒకరిని ఒకరు ఆట పట్టించటం, పొడుపు కథలు విప్పటం, కథలతో కళ్ళ ముందు కదలాడిన రాజులు, మాంత్రికులు, రాక్షసులందరికి ఆ చంద్రుడు నక్షత్రాలే సాక్షి.
అనుకోకుండా ఓ మద్యహ్నం కురిసిన వర్షం, ఆనందం తొ తడిసి ముద్దయ్యేదాకా వేసిన చిందులు, మట్టితో చెసిన కళా ఖండాలు ఏనాటికీ మరువరానివి. ఆ ఆడిన ఆటలు, పాడిన పాటలు, అర్థంలేని పొట్లటలు, చెసిన అల్లర్లు ఎన్నటికి చెరిగిపోని తీపి గుర్తులు.

Another meeting...an introduction to a new project coming up 6 months later where even the requirements are not finalized. I wonder why it is held in the first place. Never mind. As I have no choice but to attend it i will. The most important job to be done before the meeting
commences is to grab the corner most seat in the last row n if time permits...dim the lights n to increase the temparature (to make the surroundings more friendly than in Alaska or Siberia) These ensure better sleeping conditions without being caught rather noticed.
Meetings never start on time. There would be a delay of atleast 10mins(Knowledge gained through experience). This one was scheduled at 3pm. I was in the meeting room by 3:05 to make the environment sleep friendly but to my greatest shock all but the front row was already occupied...sure signs of martyrdom. No other option left but to settle in the front row right infront of the speaker and the screen....Perfecto!!!
Options available to me under these hostile conditions:
1. To actually listen to all that no sense nonsense(impossible!!!)
2. To doze off with my eyes open(mmm....next to impossible. Wish i was somehow related to fish in this matter. Moreover i cant insult the speaker with my dozing off with my eyes closed you see:D)
3. Fake a phone call n walk out of the meeting (ahha!!! Im a genius)
Just as I was working on my brilliant scheme and thinking how long i should sit on that "thorne" chair before taking the "really urgent" phone call...ticket to my freedom, who could come n sit next to me but my manager(damager):(. One look at him and I knew I was doomed in that front row till my life was totally sucked out or if things get better and I get even close to be lucky....till the discussion ends before I vapourize completely. In short Im finished....fineeto!!!I was left with no other option but to keep myself awake and actually listen if not atleast fake it. Finally the much dreaded meeting commenced. My mind was all focused only on one task...not to fall asleep and it was a real struggle.
Ways to keep myself awake:
1. Playing a game on my mobile phone...would be too obvious both to my manager and the speaker so ruled out.
2. To pick up my scribbling pad and start scribbling something more interesting.....a really good option as it would look like Im taking notes which inturn would imply Im actually listening (im a real genius...yeah!!!)
Hence my 'To Do' list before any meeting has a new entry... To carry a scribbling pad and a pen. Just as I was wondering what to pen down, my manager received an urgent call from his manager to attend some other meeting. As soon as my manager left, within few minutes I too received a 'really urgent' phone call and walked out alive:D
Moral of the story is 'Luck always favours the prepared mind':)