Trishna....

2010-02-04T13:58:00.001+05:30

day in day out

work is always there, never seems to be out

it is no longer charming

day after day it only gets boring

is there any solution

or is it just me missing the direction of the resolution

help! help!!! my dear friends

before it is too late

before my life is taken

do save me from this awful boredom

before all the doors are closed n there is no way to escape the impending doom!

2009-06-09T12:18:00.000+05:30

tweaking n tuning

blending n coloring has been the order of the day

rejections, dejections

approvals n disapprovals have always been right there

what happened to it?

why didnt you see it?

How did u do it?

when exactly is it?

oh the questions and curses keep flying around

thats so nice of you!

how wonderful it is!

could you plz do me a favour?

oh him! he knows nothing at all other than showing off!!!

hence the day goes on

monday comes

monday goes

tuesday comes

tuesday goes

and the time just goes

and then friday comes

I did this! i did that!

oh this? i can do it on monday!

will they notice? who cares they already left for the day!!

time to wind up

n get unwinded

saturday n sunday

there has never been a better day

here they come

here they go

before u realise you lived through the day

look whoz around the corner....oh its monday!

tweaking n tuning

blending n coloring has been the order of the day................

2009-05-22T19:26:00.002+05:30

have u ever been in a situation like this... u have a head ache n its already very late in the night. u need to get up early the next day morning but u r not able to sleep.
the only sound u would hear is the tick tick tick tick of the wall clock....
the oblivious sound of the harmless wall clock...tick tick tick tickthe rhythm of now pounding head...tick tick tick tick

the beats of the present marching into the past...tick tick tick tick
the rustle of breathing of the morning ready to ambush....tick tick tick tick
the rumble of war of the restless mind with the now tired body... tick tick tick tick
the creaking of rusty clogged wheels in some remotest corner of the brain...tick tick tick tick
the bustle of thoughts popping plotting n scheming about ways to sleep longer trow...tick tick tick tick
what would u do...to stop that ticking in ur head? how long will u let it go on for?????
if i were u...i would pull down the clock, remove its batteries, take an Aspirin n go back to sleep :P

2009-05-18T17:37:00.002+05:30

i pour my heart into u

keep it safe from the prying eyes

i leave my soul in ur guard

do not but reveal it to its true master

these are not just mere words

these are not just any pen strokes

they bring in color and emotions into your otherwise lifeless pages

they add feelings and sensations to your stolid presence

keep them safe from the prying eyes

do not but reveal them to their true master

2009-05-17T21:52:00.002+05:30

the day so far has been surreal.... reality knocks on my senses once in a while but again im back to my dreamy world where people are talking n laughing n im responding as expected but it feels like my mind is far away in some distant land than here. i once watched this stuff on discovery channel abt out of body experiences where the soul of the person floats out of their body n its hovering some where on top n looking at things happening around. i think i have an inkling as to how that might feel like now...it must b something like this...only difference being im still in possession of my body though i still cant explain whats going on inside it....some strange vibrations are pulsing through my body...feels as though something is changing inside. i still look the same but i dont feel the same any more. there is some aura building around my body giving it a different shape n feel but not visible to the naked eye. u have to b me to know what im talking about...actually even i donno what im talking abt. im just trying to give some shape in the form of words to all the sensations n feelings n emotions growing inside like a tiny water bubble but only growing in diameter even now as im talking abt it. i donno how far that bubble can stay in tact...i can sense its growing restlessness ready to burst out into millions of tiny water droplets. this is strange, this is new... like something latent has been activated n i never even knew of its existence before. there seems to b an inbuilt simulation machine which is recreating the sensations at its own accord. my own body feels strange to me...the more i think abt it the more worried im.... let the surreality be real.... let the dream like feel be just a feeling... let it not b that the bubble bursts n i wake up to a whole different world where this never happened. i want to b part of this evolution n know where it leads me n what i would b by the end of it. let this not end .... not yet

2009-05-06T18:33:00.002+05:30

sleep well my prince...

may the stars shine bright to keep the darkness away from you

and the moon watch over your dreams n make them pleasant for you

let the sweetest of your smile dance on your lips even in your deepest slumber

and your tired eyes find peace in the beautiful lands they wander

let all the tiredness leave your body n float into the distant sky

that when tomorrow shines upon your open eyes

may your heart be warmed with the strength of the stars and the wisdom of the moon

and you greet the sun with a smile and say to the world.. the day is mine..

sleep well my dearest prince...

i'l always be there for you

2008-12-04T11:25:00.001+05:30

a country far away was attacked and civilization destroyed

i took solace in the fact that it was not my country

a city was burned down to ashes

i grieved for the sufferers

it was not my city....it gave me peace

a big house was plundered around the corner

i pitied the looted

not my house....i was comforted

the comfort didnt last long nor did the peace

the foraying continued and so did the suffering

faith perished... no one was trusted

fear took different shapes n forms

and was seen here n there...everywhere

life took a different meaning

to get through a day untouched became the only driving motive

to see the loved ones live through the night the only happiness

day came...day gone

nothing changed except for the count of the empty houses

silence ruled over the place except for the sound of lifeless feet dragged away

no one questioned the silence...it was too still to be broken

city of the living dead....it turned into

time passed by...

one day the silence was shattered by a cry...one loud cry of pain

a child was in the open... the child was hurt

not my child my heart thrummed

the silence spread over again

except for a pair of running feet outside my door

the mother of the child i thought

i was bracing myself for more pain in the air

how badly the child was hurt...i didnt dare to step out

time ticked away slowly...second after second

what i heard next was not something i was prepared for

the sound of laughter interrupted my thoughts

it was real....it was alive

the child was safe the mother was happy

her happiness at that moment was boundless

n made me restless....i wanted to touch it

i deliberated...but the pure energy tugged at my heart

i stepped out measuring my steps

there at the corner i saw the mother

holding her child to her heart celebrating the life

i walked to her...she looked at me

a smile was dancing on her almost dead face

weekly and shyly i returned her smile

this was a long forgotten gesture...

i realised i was not alone..there were other shy faces around

we looked at each other...recognition in our eyes

we held each other...warmth spreading in our hearts

slowly the darkness fell... but we stood still

we had each other...one and another

we are not alone...

2008-12-03T11:39:00.001+05:30

One expectation
This is what I would do anyway
I can do it

another expectation
hmmm...this is not what I want to do exactly but I guess I can do this
just a li'l out of way...it wont hurt

yet another expectation
I donno if I want to do this
this is not what I want
but will it hurt to do this for their sake?
they will b happy if I do this...I know
its not much...I wont regret this
I can do it this time

one more expectation
Hell!this is not something I would ever do...never!
How could they ever expect such a thing out of me??
I cant...even if I can I dont want to
but it would break their heart if I dont
can I live with that guilt for the rest of my life?
will it hurt to do this??
Yes...dearly but I can live with that...
I can do it this time...one last time

2008-09-09T11:49:00.000+05:30

No Manager
No Lead
Just me n my work...
How cool is that...NOT!!!

The much needed drive to work (boss) is missing
but not the work
the purpose of working (showing off to the boss) is missing
but not the work

Alas! what has it come to finally....
to work just for the sake of work...
work n nothing but the work
is this what life has come to finally???

where has the motivation gone??
taking along with it the purpose....
on a vacation of course!

well well...get back to work
and get something done
before the manager comes barking
fresh n energetic from the vacation :P

2008-06-17T19:35:00.001+05:30

One day not very long time ago when i was a kid who only knew black and white n never knew the existence of grey, had a fight with my then best friend over a doll. We disagreed with each other n then decided we cant be friends any more. Hence we were enemies n we walked away. We avoided each other for a few days...atleast that is what each one wanted the other to believe. We were only trying to get each other's attention. days passed...though we acted like we were having the best time ever...we missed each other more than ever but waited patiently for the other one to approach first. She was the one who disagreed first, wasn’t she? So why should I be the one to go to her first? After all im having fun here n she is the one who is bored n longing to play with me again.....hmmmm.....im bored too....but who cares as long as its not obvious to her. As soon as she comes to me i will forgive her n will start playing with her again....daadidaadidaaa. Look! She is coming this way. I bet she finally realized her mistake. Im not looking at her. No..no..i cant let her know im waiting for her. Here she comes. She is looking at me. I cant stop smiling. She opened her mouth to say but I was too excited to even wait for her to apologizes "it’s ok...I understand you r sorry for fighting with me. I forgive you" said I with the biggest ever grin dancing on my face. She stared at me n said "hey! I came here only to tell you that your mum is looking for u. why should I say sorry? You are the one who said we are not friends anymore. We are enemies. But if u want to play with me again...well....ok...may b I can consider it!"
"Why would I apologize to u?"
"I will never say sorry to u"
"Fine!"
"Fine!!"
"You better give me back all my dolls"
"And you give back my building blocks"
"You still have my....."
"How abt my......."
When we were busy sorting out the things we owned and owed our mothers arrived. Told us to stop bickering and said its time for truce. Made us shake our hands n well sorted out the enmity between us. We were friends again...best friends!
This my friend is the tale of a fight over a doll between me n my then best friend not very long time ago but very far away from today's thoughts.

Childhood... so simple n so alive.
Everything that wasn’t white was black then and everyone who wasn’t a friend was an enemy
we either liked it or we didn’t
No false pretences no lies
No bitching no back biting
Either a yes or a no....
Just fair n square....
Just black n white....

I donno when the grey matter seeped into our lifes...
Everything that wasn’t white could b grey...not just black
Everyone who wasn’t a friend could b an acquaintance or just a nobody....not even worth being an enemy
Apart from yes or no there are may be, could be, possibly be, not exactly.....the list goes on
Hypocrisy in the name of diplomacy has become the new way of life
Life has become complex and the complexity only seems to be growing day after day
Life has turned into just shades of grey.....

2008-06-10T17:06:00.003+05:30

Bangalore is the place with the maddest weather on earth says I. Its raining cats n dogs here. I wont be surprised if it rains elephants one fine day. I never liked rainy seasons much but never actually hated them. but honestly after living in this place i started detesting them. I know there are places where it rains all year long but i never lived there. Every evening as the clock strikes 5 all the dark n heavy clouds come out of their hiding getting ready for a heavy downpour. Every day! its the same story!! y don’t these rains take a break or atleast the weekends off rather than ruining them??? But no.... y would they? Wont they ever get tired of showering so much??

Rain rain go away
come again some other day
Li'l Harry wants to play
Rain rain go away

Not all agree with me though. there r loads who loooove these bloody rains as they find them so romantic !huh!!being drenched in this acidic rains n chilled to the bone is not something that ever appealed to me esp the sneeze train follow up and struggling to get the mud stains off my clothes....well that explains things fairly well.
Days look so gloomy n sad n dull n...nothing good when the clouds are hovering around. i would prefer my days bright n sunny..I guess i derive my energy from the sun. I wont be surprised if the scientists come up with research results which classify people into different types depending on whether they derive (per me) their energy from sun or moon or rain....whatever the other things might be. Cloudy/rainy days make me dull most of the times. never feel like getting out of bed. mind you...not bcoz im sleepy but just lazy. They make me thoughtful at times... thoughtful about my past, my present, n well at times abt my future... about what happened, what could have happened, whats happening and what can/might happen n i hate these thoughtfulness spell as the complete focus shifts onto me. Im the one in spotlight and everyone n everything else is plunged into darkness. its me n only me I can think of n i hate it! I have committed mistakes n blunders in my past. the amount of damage caused has caste a very long shadow that seem to creep into my present at times and I cant stop thinking about them n cant stop feeling low that only doubles up the gloom already in picture. I have learnt my lessons from my past experiences n I learnt them in the painful way so as never to forget them n never to repeat them but i cant help wondering what new fiascoes are in store for me..sounds like fun...not!!!I know this is the way of life...learning from our mistakes, making sure never to repeat them n ofcourse to commit new ones( thats the only way i would learn my lessons, the hardest way) n though I crib n cry about it I have no other go but to accept it just as i finally resign to an everlasting spell of dull n gloomy n self retrospective painful days...I really really hate rainy seasons!!

2008-04-17T13:00:00.002+05:30

Looks so perfect.. a glowing white disc against a dark background...full moon shining bright and a clear cloudless sky...my Chandamama. When I was very young, someone pointed at the dark spots on the moon n said it was an old lady sitting there n watching over us. I found the old lady very amicable n used to love watching her lying on my back n wondering how she got there till I drifted into the fantasy land of hers. When I was young someone else laughed at my ridiculous story of the old lady and told me it was a rabbit n Alexander put it there. Bingo! it really was a rabbit. I could very clearly make out its ears n mouth. How silly of me to think it was an old lady??!!! And thus I was enlightened by the knowledge imparted by the wise one. When I was not so young did my science teacher finally overrule all those beautiful fables and succeeded in drilling into our puzzled minds all those really real fundas of natural satellites n the whole phenomenon of lunar cycles. Initially I had difficulties to step out of fantasy into reality and still admire him. It took me a while to figure out that it doesnt matter what he really is.. whether its an old lady or a rabbit or some craters, I still find him beautiful....beauty divine. I guess those black spots on the otherwise perfectly clear moon is what makes him more real....imperfect but real and brings him closer to my heart making him my dearest friend. He is the one who always plays the role of the listener, a very patient listener indeed....towards my complaints, outbursts, silly talks, silent tears and the endless mirth over my self proclaimed achievements. He is pretty mischievous at times n a real good 'hide-n-seek'er especially on a cloudy day. He is a friend I can always count on. No matter how much I talk about him there is always more to say. No matter how many times I see him im never satisfied. In short i love him... I love him a lot...he is my favorite Chandamama!

2008-03-10T12:50:00.001+05:30

y does it hurt to say no...i thought only hearing it hurts

y only being desired matters but not being deserved?

y does it hurt to let someone's dream collapse even when it was strong enough to crush me down?

y does my conscience prick when someone finally gives up on prisoning me?

y does it hurt to speak my mind than to lie forever?

y do people wish to live with a lie forever at the cost of their freedom?

y does it feel wrong when i choose my happiness over others'?

y is it a noble deed to sacrifice my happiness to see a smile on others' face?

y are my tears of pain ingonred when the others' eyes are filled with tears of joy?

2008-02-27T16:29:00.003+05:30

a throbbing pain pricking at some sensitive corner of my mind,

a sickening feeling never leaves me alone...never in peace,

a slow poison not strong enough to kill but to leave me struggling for my life,

a dull ache pushing me more n more towards insanity...questioning my sanity,

a truth im scared to accept

a past im unable to escape

why doesnt the pain leave me or die away than letting me bleed to death...a slow painful death sapping out all the happiness n leaving me to die in misery drowned in my own sorrow????

If to end is the only end to it..then why not quickly...a sharp pain n its all gone forever, a single blow to silence the moan once n for all??

why making me relive those moments that robbed my happiness condemning me to die every living second and to live the death again n again??

2008-02-20T20:05:00.000+05:30

Sometimes Im a child rushing out to meet my loved one and embrace it with all my heart and get carried away in that gleefulness which knows no bounds.
Sometimes Im content to meet an old friend over a cup of coffee and open our hearts to each other catching up on old times and updating each ohter over all the happenings since we last met
Sometimes Im a failure brooding over the past wondering what went wrong and how i could have made things better
Sometimes....sometimes Im the rain... Im in the clouds, Im in the raindrops, in the wet earth, in the muddy rushing flow washing everything on its way.
Im hope... Im fear
Im life... Im destruction
Im everything... Im nothing
Im.... Im...

2008-02-04T18:04:00.000+05:30

మేఘాలు కరిగి నీటి బింధువుల్లా మారి తమ నెలవయిన ఆకాశాన్ని వీడి తమకై ఎన్నో యుగాల వంటి రోజుల నుండి వేచిచూసే ఆ నేలను తాకగా... ఆ నీటి బింధువు తో పులకించిన నేల తల్లి ఆనందం తో వెదజల్లే సువాసన ఆ 'మట్టి వాసన".
ఆ నింగీ నెలా సంగమమే ఈ వాన. ఏనాడైనా ఆ సంగమాన్ని చూసారా?? ఏ రోజైనా ఆ సువాసన ని ఆస్వాధించారా?? ఆ వర్షాన్ని ఆ మట్టి వాసనని ఆనందించని వాళ్ళు ఉందరు కదూ!
ఆ చల్లని గాలి, ఆ గాలిలో ఆనందంగా తాండవం చెసే ఆ పచ్హని చేలు, ఎంతో దూరాన్నుంచి ఆ గాలి మోసుకొచ్హిన మట్టి వాసన నా మనసులో ఎదో తెలియని సంతొషాన్ని నింపాయి. ఎన్నో చిన్ననాటి జ్ఞాపకాలను వెలికి తెచ్హాయి.
వేసవికాలం సెలవులు, తాతగారి ఊరిలొ కలిసే బంధువులు, పచ్హని చేలు, ఆ తాటి కాయలు, ఈత పండ్లు, అమ్మమ్మ చేతి గోరు ముద్దలు...నాకంటే నాకు అని పోటి పడి మరీ తినటం, ఎడ్ల బండ్లు, ఊయ్యాలలు, గొర్రెల మందలు, తొక్కుడు బిల్ల, కొతి కొమ్మచ్హి, వీరి వీరి గుమ్మడి పండు, సాయంకాలం అరుగుపై ముచ్హట్లు, రాత్రి వేళ డాబా పై నిద్ర పోయేదాకా ఒకరిని ఒకరు ఆట పట్టించటం, పొడుపు కథలు విప్పటం, కథలతో కళ్ళ ముందు కదలాడిన రాజులు, మాంత్రికులు, రాక్షసులందరికి ఆ చంద్రుడు నక్షత్రాలే సాక్షి.
అనుకోకుండా ఓ మద్యహ్నం కురిసిన వర్షం, ఆనందం తొ తడిసి ముద్దయ్యేదాకా వేసిన చిందులు, మట్టితో చెసిన కళా ఖండాలు ఏనాటికీ మరువరానివి. ఆ ఆడిన ఆటలు, పాడిన పాటలు, అర్థంలేని పొట్లటలు, చెసిన అల్లర్లు ఎన్నటికి చెరిగిపోని తీపి గుర్తులు.

2008-02-01T21:20:00.000+05:30

Another meeting...an introduction to a new project coming up 6 months later where even the requirements are not finalized. I wonder why it is held in the first place. Never mind. As I have no choice but to attend it i will. The most important job to be done before the meeting
commences is to grab the corner most seat in the last row n if time permits...dim the lights n to increase the temparature (to make the surroundings more friendly than in Alaska or Siberia) These ensure better sleeping conditions without being caught rather noticed.
Meetings never start on time. There would be a delay of atleast 10mins(Knowledge gained through experience). This one was scheduled at 3pm. I was in the meeting room by 3:05 to make the environment sleep friendly but to my greatest shock all but the front row was already occupied...sure signs of martyrdom. No other option left but to settle in the front row right infront of the speaker and the screen....Perfecto!!!
Options available to me under these hostile conditions:
1. To actually listen to all that no sense nonsense(impossible!!!)
2. To doze off with my eyes open(mmm....next to impossible. Wish i was somehow related to fish in this matter. Moreover i cant insult the speaker with my dozing off with my eyes closed you see:D)
3. Fake a phone call n walk out of the meeting (ahha!!! Im a genius)
Just as I was working on my brilliant scheme and thinking how long i should sit on that "thorne" chair before taking the "really urgent" phone call...ticket to my freedom, who could come n sit next to me but my manager(damager):(. One look at him and I knew I was doomed in that front row till my life was totally sucked out or if things get better and I get even close to be lucky....till the discussion ends before I vapourize completely. In short Im finished....fineeto!!!I was left with no other option but to keep myself awake and actually listen if not atleast fake it. Finally the much dreaded meeting commenced. My mind was all focused only on one task...not to fall asleep and it was a real struggle.
Ways to keep myself awake:
1. Playing a game on my mobile phone...would be too obvious both to my manager and the speaker so ruled out.
2. To pick up my scribbling pad and start scribbling something more interesting.....a really good option as it would look like Im taking notes which inturn would imply Im actually listening (im a real genius...yeah!!!)
Hence my 'To Do' list before any meeting has a new entry... To carry a scribbling pad and a pen. Just as I was wondering what to pen down, my manager received an urgent call from his manager to attend some other meeting. As soon as my manager left, within few minutes I too received a 'really urgent' phone call and walked out alive:D
Moral of the story is 'Luck always favours the prepared mind':)

2008-01-31T19:56:00.000+05:30

IDentity Crisis.... I was introduced to this term by a friend of mine who was going through it. (Though it took me a while to figure out what he exactly meant by that) It happens when one feels what they are is not what they wanted for themselves. There is a clash between what they r deep down inside and what they appear to be to the world outside…. hmmmmm. This was a few months ago. I did some serious thinking about it then. Today as I was heading home after giving an exam (I struggled to get through this one for 4days n 4 nights and I cleared with flying colors. My hard work did really pay off...:D)the term Id crisis resurfaced again in my heavy head(hangover due to lack of sleep). What triggered this reappearance is the question the lady next to me asked..."Are you a Keralite?" I smiled at her even without realizing it n said "No...Im an Andhrite" People around me always have questions about where I'm basically from....curiosity. Though the intention behind the question is to know where my roots are the question itself varies from "where are you basically from?" "Are you a Keralite?" "Are you a Bangalorean?" to "Are you a Kannadiga/Tamilian/North Indian/...???" ....etc...etc (anything n everything other than an Andhrite) well...my answer never seemed to satisfy them. Some people just laugh at their guess being proved very wrong while some take it to heart that they were not even close to the fact but there r a few others who are brave enough to show their disappointment or rather disapproval openly saying "are YOU an Andhrite??" filled with shock instead of a friendly "Are you an Andhrite??" with a surprised tone. One experience really stands out as all other experiences look minuscule compared to this one... a person who heard me talking in Telugu came to me n asked where I learnt to speak such good Telugu. When I told him that it is my mother tongue he was dumbstruck n the expression written on his face was strong enough to make me think if I did anything wrong by being born as an Andhrite.
Deep down inside Im a Telugite born n brought up in Andhra but to the outside world I seem to be multi faceted...a Keralite, a Tamilian, a Kannadiga, a Banglorean, a North Indian but never an Andhrite..... if this is not an ID crisis then what else is???

2007-12-18T15:40:00.000+05:30

He was there right in front of me... his unfaltering gaze rested on me like the pleasant rays of the moon. Those eyes...so deep....so mischievous...so full of unspoken words...we stood there looking at each other lost in each other. We stood there oblivious of the surroundings expect for each other's presence. Deep inside my heart I wished this moment would last for ever. At that moment I heard the ringing of some distant bells...church bells...a good omen!! My wish has been granted!!!!! I wanted to share this happiness with him. Just then the ground under my feet began to shake. I was scared but he was smiling mischievously looking at me. The tremor became vigorous only increasing my fear. I shut my eyes tightly praying it to stop. My prayer was answered again...the quake stopped. I opened my eyes excitedly thinking about the everlasting moment....thinking about him....but what I saw next was the last thing I ever wanted at that moment. There definitely was a face looming over mine. Far from being pleasant it had a weird expression written all over it. That was the cute (not at that moment) face of my dearest, sweetest and most adorable roommate. I stared at her blankly trying to take in the imperfect reality in front of my eyes so far away from my perfectly perfect dream wishing it would have lasted a little longer.
"Are you alright Harry???"
I was still trying to figure out how I got transported from that world to this without my knowledge. In the mean time my roommate got restless about my blank stares and did what she thought was the best way to wake me up. She grabbed both my shoulders and shook me so hard...
"Harry! What’s wrong with you??? Are you alright??? How come you didnt hear the alarm ring??? Even now you look like sleeping with your eyes open...Wake Up!!!!!!"
Well!! That explains all the good omens and earth quakes and also the reason behind the mischievous smile of Mr. Perfect. Finally I gave in to her efforts to wake me up and got out of bed assuring her I was perfectly fine. Though she reluctantly accepted that in the beginning, she was very much satisfied later on when she saw me fussing about monday mornings and running around the house panicking that I was getting late thus marking the beginning of yet another perfectly normal day. It took more than the efforts put by my roommate to actually get him out of my mind. It was a bit more than a li'l difficult to accept it was just a dream. My mind kept replaying it every now and then when I was not completely occupied making it tough to push it away as just another dream. Strange isnt it????
Hey Mr.Perfect! I donno if u really exist...but if u do...do find me soon before its too late;-)

2007-12-08T00:24:00.000+05:30

Things change People change
The world around us changes
but i thought you n I will never change and
our relation would remain the same for ever........Wish i could ever say that again

i was surprised when i heard that "the only thing that is constant in this world is change"
i found it ironical....how can something that changes be permanent???

But what was an irony became reality and what was meant to be forever faded away
leaving behind only memories of the past like the beautiful rose, whithered and reduced to mere bookmarks ready to crumble at the slightest touch

Time passed by seasons rolled on
spring lead into what seemed like an endless winter
The roses dried the plant died
just like the feelings and emotions we had for each other

The coldness seeped in
making me older in my mind even before my youth passed away
The last rays of hope weakened suffocated by the darkness that engulfed me
I would never be young again.....i would never love again.....i would never be worthy of anyone's love again said my prematurely aged mind resigning to its fate

The irony became ironical
the change became stagnant and the coldness permanent
this thought quizzed me
I wanted to know the answer....
I was proved wrong once
I wanted to be proved wrong again.....it thrilled me
the quest that lay infront of me gave me a reason to think
my resigned mind revolted, refused to think beyond the walls it built for itself
the darkness threatened me, ......if I fail it would only take me deeper
the coldness supported it
but something inside me kept pushing.....something told me this is your chance, dont let it go
something kept on growing inside me
may be this is hope......A new energy filled me

I walked out of my self built prison or rather the wall of protection.....atleast i felt so till a few moments before
I stepped into the frozen garden
i took a few step further to reach its edges and mustered all the courage to look beyond them

I was surprised rather shocked to see that the land outside was not frozen. Infact there was spring again.....filled with laughter, happiness and life.
i looked at People who were not cold and people who were not old n looked at myself.......
the darkness faded and warmth filled in
I felt lighter....i felt younger again

It was not the winter that never ended...it was I who never let it go
it was not the darkness that engulfed me.....it was I who blocked away the light from reaching me

Life is not a bed of roses and everyone has their own share of lows n highs
if we concentrate on the darker side, we can never realise the brighter part of it

2007-10-08T18:54:00.000+05:30

The moon and the stars never looked so bright...atleast not in the recent past. They look as though they are celebrating my arrival there making me feel more at home rather at home finally away from those concrete jungles where the city never sleeps n my lovely frenz look so far away. All I get is just a glimpse of them every now and then. Being part of this rat race has stolen my precious time away from my frenz and made me a slave to more mundane things.When was the last time I gazed at them to my heart's content?When was the last time I opened my heart to them and let my thoughts flow or listened to their stories?When was the last time I fell asleep under their watchful eyes protecting me from any harm that would interrupt my peaceful dreamless slumber??
The more I thought about it the more I missed their company and longed for their watchful presence and the more I understand our relation better. The relation we shared was beyond words...something which I felt deep down in my soul where even those long silences made perfect sense. Those moments spent in silence would make my heart lighter with every passing second and my soul would drift towards them...to be a part of them.
Lying on my back and staring at them again made me realise what I missed the most on those long nights when I felt restless in those closed rooms. They kept their promise of watching over me even when I failed to feel their presence, when I forgot that I was not friendless...even when I forgot that all I have to do was to step out of those 4 walls around me and look up n they would me there smiling at me n shining brightly for me telling me "You are never alone".

2007-08-01T15:57:00.000+05:30

I love sleeping....wish I could sleep for days together like Kumbkaran though I cant eat for days like him. If you ask my colleagues who accompany me for lunch or my roommates who patiently sit next to me waiting for me to finish my dinner they would say otherwise. They'll say I can eat for days too. People who actually donno me might think I eat a lot but the fact is I eat very slow. What my friends take 10 or 15 mins to finish eating, I take at least half an hr and in the worst scenario an hr(I know they would argue to put in a bigger figure) to finish. Days are rare when i actually finish it along with them, even rarer are the days when I finish b4 them....they call it a miracle. God bless their souls!!!
coming back to sleep... I would be the last one to wake up on most of the days in my house. How much ever I sleep I never seem to get enough of it. Even if I wake up in the afternoon I still look I could do with few more hrs of sleep. One reason could be Im a light sleeper...waking up at every li'l sound right from the creaking sound made my bathroom door, first sound (believe me when I say first) of my roommate's alarm, slammed doors of other bedrooms where dwell the morning raisers (I almost jump out of my bed every time a door is slammed) to the sound of footsteps on the staircase next to my bedroom window...no wonder I look so sleep lorn all the time.
I usually dont sleep in the afternoons during weekends or holidays though Im always sleepy. Its bcoz my afternoon naps are cursed! All my dearest friends who have long forgotten me not only remember me precisely at that fateful hour but also remember to call me and miraculously there is enough balance on their mobile phones to make the call
me: halooo
friend: Hey!!!!! How r u??? Long time isnt it??????? blah...blah...blah non stop for 5mins n ask then question I have been waiting for
so....what were u doing??
Me: was sleeping
Friend: Oh!! are you ok???
Me: Im fine...just taking a nap...thats all
Friend: oh ok
pause for few secs...expecting me to say something.....finally....
Friend: sleep well then...will talk to u later bye!
I mumble something n hang up b4 that person could think of saying anything more
With some struggle I manage to doze off again but my mobile rings yet again.... this is an endless cycle till I finally give up and get out of my bed.
At times even in the nights I find it difficult to sleep though every inch of my body is tired to the core and is begging for rest. Im not an insomniac though (how can I be one...huh!!!) It is when my brain refuses to retire for the day as it slept all day long in the office. Those are the times when more than a few of my gray cells are fired and words start flowing and my blog has a new entry. When the Sun would be getting ready to rise and shine melting away the night, darkness falls on me n I sleep only to be woken up by some creaking or slammed doors....signs of life stirring marking the beginning of yet another sleepy day.
"Eat like a hog and sleep like a log"I donno abt the first part but I wish the second half of this statement was true in my case. Blessed are those who sleep like logs and Im really jealous of you all!!

2007-07-28T20:22:00.001+05:30

A lonely night n im alone.
I look up at the sky n see the moon so bright.
The brightness has a different sheen....thanks to the pretty stars to keep his company.
The wind so warm and blissful has a different fragrance... the scent of all the lovely flowers he met on his way here.
I think again about her bright smile, the twinkle in her eyes, her touch, her scent and something stirs in me... an emotion i have been trying to suppress has broken loose again...she is no longer in my life.
I could feel her presence everywhere around me only drawing her closer to me in my mind as she took a step away with every passing second. Every memory of hers seem to take me only deeper into the quagmire of pain making it impossible to look beyond the darkness.
The company I needed doesnt want me anymore and the company I never expected doesnt leave me anymore.
Loneliness never proved to be a good friend of mine though it never left me alone even in a crowd since she left me. It never spared me the blues of "Missing her" ever.
The night so young, so dark, so secretive holding many dark secrets in its bosom wrapped around me like a blanket belonging to me yet invisible.
Its only loneliness to get me through this night and the night alone to keep my company through this loneliness

Introspection

2007-07-18T13:59:00.000+05:30

People have goals
People have missions
why am I the one wandering about knowing not where my fate is leading me to....

Im like a dry leaf without any destination
flying along with the wind or rather carried away by the fate....know not where to

People take pride in what they achieve
people take pride in who they are
People strive hard to carve out a position in this society full of achievers and believers
Can I ever be one of those....those who know what they want
those who know how to get what they want

Am I an achiever or a failure??Im not an achiever bcoz what I have is not what I dreamed of
Im not a failure bcoz I have what I wanted....or what everyone else wanted for me

Is this reality or a delusion that im living in?Can I ever find satisfaction in this delusional reality Im living in??

I know not anymore

2007-07-16T18:12:00.000+05:30

Wings to fly
Horizons to Explore
Peace to find
Where to look
I know not anymore

Words to speak
Feelings to express
Hearts to pour out
How to say
I know not anymore

I know not anymore
Where to start
How to end
What to want
What I want
I know not anymore

2007-07-16T13:13:00.001+05:30

the egg hatched
the eaglet cried
his mother always there right next to him to hold him,protect him n feed him
the vision so limited
he, his mother and the comforts of his nest...the world seemed so small

time passed by
the wings grew
the horizon called
time has come to take the flight
away from the familiarity ....towards the unknown
to explore the unknown lands
to see the world through his own eyes
to reach great heights
to be on the top
the first flight towards the unknown........to make it his own

Sea

2007-07-15T22:33:00.000+05:30

I could feel the salt on my lips...
the taste of the sea....
the taste of his kiss, rushing towards me like a lover
filled with passion asking me to come away with him
washing away the sand under my feet and pulling me towards him.
A pause from my side,
a moment of indecision is enough to break his heart and to consider me unfaithful.
Even today when i go to see him he rushes towards me
not out of passion but just to see how im without him...
to see if i still feel for him.... to see if i still miss him...to see if i still love him...
to see if i shed a tear in his name n go away taking the tear with him n making it a part of him

Eye for an Eye

2007-07-13T23:32:00.000+05:30

Eye for an eye says the law here
your tears dont wash away your crime here
crime is rather a big word to use as all you did was a minor act...
a minor act not intentional,which was purely accidental
even before you gave a second thought to your actions
even before you realised the folly you made
the crime is committed
the big bad world is all set to pass the judgement on the "crime" you committed
whether intentional or foolish
you have a price to pay a price so high a price so dear it might cost you your life but your crime will not be forgiven unless you are made to suffer
unless your blood is spilled out in the form of your tears
an act so silly an act so foolish an act so innocent
has been written down for ever as a crime so huge a blunder never to be committed...never ever in scarlet blood oozing from the wounds cut through your skin by the lashes of the whip sported by the protector of law in this big bad world
you may beg and plead for mercy but the law so keen on punishing you so keen on making you straight puts it on a deaf ear.....defended by the cheers of its supporters snarling at you for being so innocent, for not being one of them filling your heart with the venom that poisoned their souls
One day these wounds might heal leaving just the scars to sink into your skin and heart....
the world might forget its devilry only filling you with contempt....
somewhere around the corner another foolish act is committed, another innocent fool is at the mercy of the world....
will you stand up for him or cheer heartlessly at the misery your fellow fool is put through??
will your suffering make you wise or the venom sunk deep into your soul makes you think otherwise
will you choose to stand against the big bad world or are you the big bad world??

Fairy Tales

2007-07-13T20:04:00.000+05:30

"Once upon a time....." thus begins a fairytale and ends with the most expected and most loved statement "...and they lived happily ever after!:-)"
Sounds happy...sounds satisfactory.
I was just wondering how would my story sound???
"Once upon a time there lived a li'l gal with her parents in a small cottage on the edge of the woods....blah! bhah!! blah!!!"
This definitely wont be how my story would be..
1. Bcoz it was never so simple and sweet as a fairy tale
2. There was never a "happily ever after" end.....not till date
Fairy tales fascinated me a lot in my childhood. Infact they did have an influence on my young mind. All those beautiful castles, Prince Charmings and fire breathing dragons would come alive in my imagination every now and then and felt more realistic than this "nothing's happening" world around me
From the time where the fairy tales were as real as reality to "wish-they-come-true" and to finally today's "I have grown out of them" my thinking has evolved along with time. I no longer believe in the beautiful Princesses trapped in castles and the handsome Princes and their noble steads but I never gave up on the morals which formed their base...which they always showcased.
The choice of being good or evil is always present at every step we take. It is our choices that make us either evil and take us down with every passing day or good and help us evovle to be better and spread the goodness in us across this world. It is always the triumph of good over evil and it is good that always prevails are the lessons i took to heart and never stopped believing in.
Though the definition of being good keeps changing every now n then Im true to myself n never faltered from these morals and will never stop believing or hoping for my perfect "happily ever after":-)